After my father died, I was mad at him for about 5 years. While he was a good person at heart and a wonderful individual in many ways - he wasn’t what you might call an ideal father.
So, long after his death, long after it was reasonable to hold a grudge, I held one. I maintained a serious anger with a dead guy and I’m not exactly proud of it. I was upset at him for not being the father I wanted him to be and once he was gone - I felt the option to have a good father was ‘taken’ from me. And while I believed my anger and reasons for being upset with him were 100% justifiable, from time to time, I would step back and wonder -
What is the point of this? Does he even know I’m mad or care at all? Is this just hurting me in the end? Should I just let all this go? I mean, he was dead, he couldn’t even apologize at this point if he wanted to!
If you are wondering the same things and feeling angry at an ex-husband, a parent, a friend or anyone else who is now crossed over and in Spirit - you're in the right place.
How does your deceased loved one feel about your anger toward them?
After your loved ones cross over, they go through something that I call a life review, which is really an opportunity for them to look over their life, understand what their life was all about and gather perspective from their time on earth. During this life review, which many deceased loved ones describe as like watching a movie of your own life, they all do one thing - gather perspective. It’s kind of like a employee performance report - for your whole life.
Not only are your loved ones viewing ‘the movie’ of their life from their own perspective, but also, from the perspective of everyone else their actions ever affected at all times. That’s right - they have to view their actions through your eyes, and the eyes of many others, and see, understand and process how you felt about the way they behaved.
They have to see your feelings through your perspective - whether they like it or not.
And for the most part, once this is done, they agree with you. Your reasons for being angry are 100% valid and understandable once seen through your eyes. Your deceased loved ones completely ‘get’ why you are mad at them.
This is one of the points of having a life review at all.
Okay, so then what happens?
Depending on the person, this ‘life review’ can kind of take a while and since it’s immediately done right upon crossing and a necessary step in the dying process, there’s no avoiding it! Reviewing your life is the final step of moving fully into Spirit (Learn more about the whole process here, in your loved ones own words).
Once your deceased loved one in question fully crosses and passes through the life review (there’s no way to fail, it’s a review, not a firing), they are then free to ‘move about the cabin’. What this means is - they can come back to earth for a visit.
And what is the first thing they are going to want to do once visit time comes around?
Apologize to you.
Whether it’s through a medium, through sending you signs or coming in dreams, your deceased loved one is going to want to apologize and make amends with you. They want to have resolution - and show you that they understand how you felt this whole time. They’ll want to explain why they were a jerk and how you didn’t deserve it and how they had no idea what a scoundrel they had been.
Do you have to forgive them? No, of course not!
It’s completely your choice, to forgive or not to forgive. But, nine times out of 10, after a formal apology, your loved one will try to ask for your forgiveness and reach a place of understanding and mutual non-hate with you.
If you are planning on scheduling a session with a medium, please know that often times, the people you are the most angry with in Spirit are the same ones who want so badly to connect with you to apologize. Be prepared - this person may try to make amends the first chance they get!
And if they do - give them a chance and hear them out. It’s usually worth it. Take it from me -
The first time I went to a medium, my own father came and he wanted to apologize.
I forgave him. It was about time.