Whether you are a long time practitioner or just identifying your abilities - establishing boundaries with Spirit is something that is going to become an essential part of your life, if you want to maintain personal sanity.
Just with any relationship, new or old, you are responsible for establishing the rules on how other people treat and interact with you.
Want to be shown love by someone? You often have to describe to your partner what that means for you.
Want a different hierarchy situation at work? You often have to spell that out for your boss and coworkers.
Desire to be treated differently? You have to define what different means to you.
When working with Spirit, you are usually interacting with a pretty excitable bunch of individuals.
Imagine! Deceased loved ones who usually cannot communicate with people on earth, finally have found someone they can talk to! If it was you, your mouth would be going a mile a minute. It didn’t matter who it was or what you had in common - you are just so thankful you have someone to talk to after all these years.
Spirit often feels this way. And if you've ever met a small 4-5 year old, you'd know they usually have no boundaries. Not when they're excited anyway. Excitement will do that to anyone! And, it can really explain why those in Spirit have few boundaries from when, how and in what way they will interrupt your day.
If you want boundaries with Spirit, you have to spell out what those boundaries are for yourself. No one else can do that for you.
Do you need crystals, amulets, emblems, and other physical things? Not as much as you need some solid, firmly laid out pool house rules and office hours. This is what I call a mediumship essential.
How to Set Boundaries with Spirits
Set Your Office Hours
If you were a professor, a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist, a graduate teaching assistant or any other person that sees and meets with people one-on-one, you’d have office hours. A list of days and times of when you would accept and see new people in your office. A list of acceptable times for when clients need your help and attention.
Spirit is your client. Although they don’t have physical bodies, they are as much a part of your clientele as your physical world clients. In fact, as a medium, you are the mediator between the two. As you regularly work with both sides - both groups of individuals need to know when you are open for business and when you are closed for business. Otherwise, there will be some natural confusion floating around - is now a good time? Can I talk to if her office door is open just a small crack or does that mean she's on the phone? If he is in his office, with the light on, does that mean it's okay for me to knock?
When I first started working with Spirit, I didn’t set office hours and therefore, I had people (both living and deceased) calling me and waking me up at all hours of the night. Interrupting everything. A Spirit would show up in my kitchen while I was sauteing mushrooms or in my classroom while I was teaching students about ecology. Because I didn’t have office hours for Spirit, they never knew when was a good time to show up, so they just showed up whenever they might be able to get a word in edgewise. During a massage, taking a bath, while I was asleep. Any time I wasn’t “busy” in their opinion, they would barge right in.
So, I set office hours. And this worked keeping visitations at a controlled level.
Decide What is Allowed in an Appointment
Okay, so you’ve set office hours. Now it’s time to lay out what can happen during an appointment with you. When your Spirit Guides, Angels and Deceased Loved Ones visit you, what do you expect from them? What is allowed to happen?
In other words, when Spirit visits you, what is off limits and what is on limits behavior during an interaction?
If you have clients and are doing readings, what information do you require from the deceased loved ones to be identified? Write this down on the list. Do you want them to tell you their gender, how they passed and information on what they look like or their personality? Spell it out for them. They need to know what to have on hand to provide you.
Are you simply being visited by Spirit and perhaps not doing readings yet? If so, how can those in Spirit form appear to you?
Can they touch you?
Can they talk to you?
Can they appear to you as a full apparition?
What is and is not allowed from your spiritual visitors? For example, when my sister, Sarah, was first developing, she made a list that stated that being touched by a Spirit was NOT okay, but being able to hear them was okay with her. This, of course, evolved over time, as she got more comfortable.
Write all this down on the list of the rules of when they visit. What is allowed and expected of each Spirit who comes to your pool party? How must they behave, what should they not do to avoid being kicked out for good?
Limit Locations for Visitations
Add to your list of Where those in Spirit can visit you.
In your kitchen?
In your meditation area?
At Outback Steakhouse?
To avoid Long Island Medium Style interactions, where Spirit shows up in restaurants and in the frozen food aisle at the Kroger grocery store, letting them know when they CAN visit you really helps.
Where can Spirit visit you? Put it on the list!
During your next free moment, sit down and make a list of:
- your office hours
- your visitation rules
- your preferred locations
Then, post it up where all can see it. Share it with your Spirit Guides, who will help with gentle enforcement.
I hope this helps!