Setting The Record Straight
When Is The Best Time To See A Medium After The Loss Of A Loved One?
When being contacted for sessions, this is one of the most common questions asked by clients,
When is the best time to schedule a session? Is it going to be too soon?
While I used to suggest a flat period of ‘waiting’ after your Loved Ones cross over to connect with them in Spirit - around six months or so - it can be pretty flexible for all of us. Some are ready to speak in two weeks for others it’s more like twenty years.
When my father passed away, it took me approximately five years to see a medium to connect with him after his passing. I needed time and a lot of it. I was pretty mad at him for lots of reasons we've mostly worked out now.
I didn’t think I was ready enough until that point. While it’s not that I doubted he would ‘come through’ because he was a pretty intense person when alive. Intense people are the easiest ghosts to deal with, and by that I mean when it comes to interpreting what they say because they shout it, but regarding arriving when they should or leaving when they ought to, now that's around story. Its that doubted my emotional state and my sensitivity in the process of transitioning to a world without him in it.
Every one of us has a unique way and length of time for grieving the loss of a Loved One. Where you may be ready to connect with your grandfather right now, but your mother may need a few more months. You may be ready sooner than others in your family, or vice versa. Everyone has to respect each other's boundaries.
Meeting with a medium often is a unique experience, and before even making an appointment, you may need to:
Evaluate your thoughts on eternity
Truly consider what you think about life after death
Contemplate the possibility of an existence of Spirit
The do some historical research of mediums and review some of the fantastical stories out there to get an idea of what’s possible
Before meeting with a medium for the first time, this re-evaluation of your beliefs is entirely normal. Think it through and choose your medium carefully, you may need to try a few to get the whole picture.
When you do find the right medium, before booking, also ask yourself:
Am I ready to connect with my Loved One in Spirit?
What if it is possible and we can talk again? Work out how you might feel and if you'll need any emotional support afterward.
What if I can receive closure, answers and say goodbye?
What if what I receive is different than what I thought? Am I ready to handle that?
What if I can learn how to communicate with my Loved One on my own terms after the session? How could I handle a Casper hanging in and dropping by grandkids birthday parties if they so wished? Would I welcome this?
What if they are already communicating with me and I can find out how to notice it?
All of these things are also possibilities when connecting with Spirit. You also may learn some of the information related to this during your session, so it's important to be prepared for these realities.
But as long as you do your due diligence on choosing a medium you jive with or even scouting ones recommended to you; you're likely to have a good experience. Moreover, just as with all else, from customer support to health care, you'll have an even better experience going into it with an attitude of ultimate grace.
After all of it, the right time to see a medium is whenever you are ready to connect and feel emotionally up to it.
Be prepared that others may come through aside from those you expected to come through first.
But if it’s your first time…
The Heavy Hitters - these are what we mediums call people who just died and are very important to you - may come to future sessions after you've already spoken with grandma and great uncle so-so and after your sensitivities have been properly attuned for something as profound as this.
Private readings, for many, trigger an emotional release and healing regardless who comes through; thus, it’s essential that you feel emotionally and spiritually ready.
No flat time length works for everyone. For some, the time is never - as in, they will never meet with a medium. For others, the time is right within the year or month of the crossing of their Loved One.
Rather than making a flat time recommendation, think, when do I feel ready to connect?
Don’t worry about Spirit.
Even if you do go "too early" after the death of a recent loved one, there are typically like three or four other spirits passed before then or from childhood often come forward.
Nervous about seeing medium privately? Want a second set of ears and eyes to support you and listen? If you are, many mediums offer to join or small group readings, where you can connect with Spirit in the comfort and support of friends and family - which can often help ease nerves and soothe your Spirit as you connect with someone special on the Other Side. Plus, witnessing miracles in a group is fun, rewarding and so joyous. The NSAC has a list of groups that give group readings for free during their Sunday Services, too.
Okay, so now that you're ready, the burning question is, will your Loved Ones be ready at the same time too?
After your Loved One crosses into Spirit, there is somewhat of a transitioning period. I often think of it cycling in time where they are adjusting to their return to Spirit, connecting with their Angels and Guides to learn about their time on earth, gathering new perspectives, getting used to their new surroundings. If your Loved One was feeling any physical, emotional or spiritual distress upon crossing - this time also allows them a period of rest and rejuvenation - a period of healing for their Spirit.
During this time, which many mediums and Loved Ones alike refer to as the ‘Life Review,’ your Loved Ones often are unable to reach via a mediumship session - they're busy re-adjusting, getting used to their new situation. Sometimes the Angels hold them up and I've seen this before. When this happens, they send messengers on their behalf, like an aunt who knew the person and is also dead, to explain what's going on.
In a way, dying, it’s like the first day of summer camp - you are registering for classes, learning the lay of the land and where all the cabins are, having all sorts of group and solo orientations with counselors and reuniting with old friends - you are just so busy. I've had people jump in and out of this for a couple weeks and others stay in this intermediary period for 20 years, so it all just depends.
I’ve seen this ‘first day of summer camp’ last a period of days to even years after they cross-over.
But usually, when you start to feel like you want to see a medium, it’s because you know Spirit has a message for you, and often this is because someone is ready to talk. I would not ignore this. Moreover, believe it or not, you probably have more unfinished business with the dead than you think. For most people, it’s like this. They watch everyone, so some of them have quite a lot to lay out there, even if it's just intel they've gained on other people or situations they want you to know about.
Thus, if you do book a session with a medium and for some reason, and your desired Loved One isn’t present, please know it has nothing to do with their love for you or wishes to reconnect - often, it is related to timing, for both you and them. So rather than feeling upset, please know that perhaps another very special Loved One may wish to join your session instead and is usually making an extraordinary effort to do so.
So when you visit a medium, go by when you are ready though the average recommended time is six months and I also suggest you see a grief counselor if necessary because not all mediums are trained psychologists, but learning it on the job and taking extra classes to learn. Some mediums also believe that one meeting with them is all the grief counseling you need and in some cases I would not disagree with this at all. And while there are no guarantees to what will be said in a session or what you’ll think of it, what we can guarantee is that seeing a medium is certainly an interesting experience you’ll never forget.
Amanda Linette Meder
PS: even if it's not the loved one you want who comes through to your session, I always suggest we hear them out because if they've made an effort, it's probably because they have some pretty salient things to say and they probably have information on who you want to hear from.
PPS: Wondering about what your loved one is doing in the interim? Check out my eBook, From Crossing Over To Connection.