Regardless of how well you know a person, and whether or not it happens in front of your face or behind your back, it can be hurtful when you hear negative comments about yourself. Here’s how to handle it -
It can be challenging to avoid negativity altogether. In a world increasingly filled with fear, blame and other aspects of the scarcity mindset, those around us may turn to the other people in their lives as a reason for all that ails them.
To the sensitive person, often caught off-guard and in the vicinity when others unleash their fears, this can be a difficult place to be - between a rock and a sounding board, finding yourself in the eye of somebody else’s storm.
When others say negative things about you, it could be related to their own projections and insecurities, the things they dislike about themselves but reflected outward, and it could also be a sign of a personality trait of yours that goes against the grain of current culture.
Does it mean you need to change? Maybe, maybe not. Before we consider what you did and what changes you need to make, if any, take a moment to consider the below three things before responding at all. If you are reading this after someone has already said something negative to you and you’re wondering if you are really to blame, still, read on -
Any way that anyone reacts, absorbs stress or responds to stress is entirely in response to:
Their childhood upbringing
How their parents taught them to respond to stress
How the school system they went to did or did not deal with teaching stress coping mechanisms
Former and currently enforced society gender standards
Former and currently enforced familial society gender standards
Other fears and stressors going on in this person's life
How safe said commenter currently feels
And other unknown factors
What I’m saying is, sometimes a negative comment about you has absolutely nothing to do with you. Psychology Today states that there are only three reasons why people badmouth others: power, success, and leadership. And while these reasons may not make sense in the immediate moment, take some time to think about how they might apply.
Second, reflect on the situation.
In all honesty, how much of a part did you play in the negative comment?
Most of the time, we’re just passing buoys in another person’s stormy ocean which will eventually turn calm again.
These storms come and go for all of us. And while sometimes a negative comment holds some truth, many times nasty comments are just related to social standards to which we are supposed to adhere, and to make matters worse, they formed from rules no one truly understands.
Yes, many people operate on an unspoken rule system that they often don’t even understand.
So, if another person doesn’t understand the very subconscious rules they follow, it would be tough for them to expect another person to abide by these very same codes.
If someone has said something negative, it’s not uncommon to have to parties come together and clash purposefully in a divine meeting to force both to confront the social codes they follow and to decide whether or not they’d like to carry on following these codes. These interactions are called karmic connections.
This means the negative comment person may have some realization of what happened after the event, and change their behavior accordingly, even if they never say anything to you about it. Meaning, you may not have to take any action at all for behaviors to correct themselves.
If it’s an in-person comment, you may need to take a step back from this(ese) individual(s) while you reassess the situation and decide if their feedback is a personality flaw of yours you need to address, a personality flaw of theirs, or related to situational influences connected to insecurities, fears and perceived losses of power.
Taking a step back also gives time for the storm to pass, time for the other person to reflect and time for you to take your power back. This means perhaps saying nothing for a while as you figure out your own thoughts and decide how you want to move forward.
People who are unknown empaths (usually only to themselves) can be affected by societal changes, upcoming events, the influence of other people’s energy, all without their conscious knowledge and this can affect behavior wildly.
And while these facts don’t excuse a continued lack of energetic awareness on another’s part, it may help with adding some understanding, especially if the negative comment you’ve received has come from someone who usually is one you consider to be “on your team.”
You’ll find most behavior corrects naturally if needed and if the other person is meant to continue to remain in your life.
So to end, when someone speaks negatively about you, it’s natural to feel affected. Take some time to think about what was said but don’t make it too serious. People’s reactions are usually not serious and often not thought through fully. The best you can do now is detach yourself and realize whatever the comment was is most likely not 100% about you and your energy, and more likely related to other situational influences that went into creating the circumstances of the storm. People are a community species and most naturally want to work together. Most interpersonal conflicts will resolve themselves naturally in time.
Amanda Linette Meder
Website Members: If you need assistance detaching from this situation try the Cord Cutting and Calling Back Your Energy meditations in The Membership Center. These meditations work excellent in tandem. Non-members: please check out this article on Cord-Cutting and this article on ending karmic patterns to assist in further releasing yourself from this situation.