Domestic violence isn't typically a phrase you think of when you think about a beautiful spiritual woman, running around waterfalls and posting photographs standing in front of butterfly wings on buildings.
Reading this article, you may already be familiar with the idea that children subject to mental, physical or sexual abuse when they were younger, are more easily able to channel their psychic abilities. As children learn how to dissociate from abuse and danger to protect themselves when they're younger, in essence, they are training their souls to temporary leave their body. Children do this to shield themselves from all sorts of pain. And I'm not just talking about just parental abuse pain here. Schoolyard abuse, being made fun of for being different, getting ostracized at camp, anything hurtful can become good practice experiences at the art of dissociation. Dissociation, a skill learned in the darkness, has a silver lining though.
It turns out, dissociation comes into incredible handiness as an adult, as it is often exchanged for beautiful things such the ability to channel art, music, angels, healing other peoples thoughts, running energy, and a plethora of other empath skills.
Children who have been hurt when they were younger also learn another skill, too - they also learn how to tune into other people's emotions more efficiently as a means of safety. The more efficiently you can predict someone's emotions, or read them, so to speak, the more comfortable it is for you to shield and protect yourself from an abusive, unpleasant moment.
These are just a few of the natural gifts that can be borne out of hardship - the ability to channel and the ability to become very intuitive - and this is why you ultimately have a lot of abuse survivors in artistic, psychic, life coaching and spiritual healing fields.
As the saying goes, it takes one to know one.
Meaning, you can't help others overcome something you haven't also experienced yourself.
That said, spiritual people, sensitive people, develop pretty thick skin over the years and many, can deal with just about anything.
Which is where we get to family and relationships.
Spiritual lessons also come to us in the final frontier of the family. As both my acupuncturist and Ram Dass say, the ultimate karma of love is in relationships with those closest to us. This karma does not escape spiritual people. God doesn't let you have a life different from everyone else, because, well, how would you ever relate to your people?
So, if you're reading this right now, and have a spouse who is coming at you, remember:
You aren't alone.
And, whatever it is that is going on with your spouse, partner, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, it has nothing to do with you.
You already know that... I'm just reminding you.
Instead, it has to do with them facing their own darkness, and you are just the mirror of it.
Remember that schoolyard saying?
I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and goes back to you. It's still true. And if you take anything from this article, remember that phrase. No matter how hard it is to hear the vitriol, remember this phrase.
To heal this situation, it does help to think of your partner as a volcano that is erupting.
This eruption hasn't a thing to do with the bird flying over the volcano in the sky. That's you, the bird. However, just because there's an erupting going on, doesn't mean you have to get the lava all over you and allow it to burn and scald all the way through to your bones creating irreversible damage on your psyche.
Let them have their process, but don't be part of it.
If your partner is spewing negativity, which we'll call releasing, instead of trying to heal the energy, just leave. For a little while. Go on a walk, or to the store, and let the volcano do its thing. Erupt. In other words, let your partner have their process - alone.
Give them the space to do it, and I know this is hard - but try not your best not read into it. You wouldn't want others to read into your every emotion, would you? Some of the emotions are dark, and some are just passing waves, and some we would never share. Same with your partner. So while they erupt, just get out of there for a bit, even if it means just going to bed.
Remind them of the mirror, in a gentle way.
When you can, the right words, at the right time, in the right way can often make all the difference. My favorite book to learn how to learn to speak the right words at the right time is The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate by Harriet Learner (Amazon link). It is one of the earlier books quoted in Brené Brown's works on being vulnerable, so you could think of it as one of the primary works to this work.
As you know, channeling angel messages and truths of wisdom will always fall on deaf ears when delivered at the wrong time, so part of helping others see the truth is your timing. A large part of it, actually, is timing.
So, if your partner is going along this spiritual journey with you, reminding them of their darkness at the right time, in the right way, is often all that is needed to get them to snap back into who they were before, realize what's going on and snap out of it.
Next, consider possible jealousy or feelings of abandonment.
Off leading meditations, doing yoga classes, conducting readings, singing to thousands of screaming admirers and in other ways, sharing your soul's essence heart to heart with others?
Sometimes a partner does feel left out.
Anger, violence, and grief will erupt in the other party when they feel they aren't getting enough of all of this love you're out giving to others. Think of a child who's been left out of a fun field trip at school. How they might kick and scream. We are all still children.
If you feel your partner may be feeling left out, take a step back and give some of what you've been giving to others through your work to them directly. Redirect the energy while you're at home. Close your computer down. Tell them the idea you're working on. Listen. Sharing with them what you freely share with others will help your partner feel valued again and in some cases, actually, soothes the tantrum before it blows out of proportion.
These are just a few of the ways we can become more conscious of working with the violence, or the darkness, being exchanged within a loving relationship.
Spiritual women and men alike often find themselves in profound and sometimes dark relationships, because that's where they were when the relationship began.
However, this does not mean the relationship has to stay deep and dark forever. It can be fun and light, too, that's the progression.
And you can support your partner in their journey there, regardless of what all the energy vampire books will tell you.
If your partner is going through a challenging time, such as a significant life disappointment, a workplace betrayal or a shift in life path, you can support them in their process. As long as conscious talks are had about mutual respect and trust, doing so can be one of the most significant karmic healings for you both to have in your lifetime.
Many relationships do evolve together.
Feeling as though you are facing domestic violence in your relationship and being a spiritual person at the same time can be thought of as a paradox, when in fact, it's not.
Sometimes we bring out darknesses in each other to heal, other times, darknesses are brought out so we may see the truth. Either way, the truth is the truth and necessary to see so that we all can evolve.
Try a few of the techniques above, and see what expands from there. And remember, you butterfly wing photographer, you aren't alone.
Violence is something we all experience and it can repeat in patterns in relationships until healed. If this applies to you, check out a few of the articles and resources below. There are also meditations that will clear and separate your energy from any violence in your energy field, which can also help in the interim. I have many resources for dealing with negativity available in The Membership Center on this site. There is also an AA Michael Shielding Meditation available for purchase on the website which can also help.
Amanda Linette Meder
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If you are facing serious physical abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Helpline. Your safety is of utmost importance. Please seek help if you are in a dangerous situation.
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