The tell-tale signs you've given too much
(and how you can bring it back into balance)
In November 2015, my twin sister had a beautiful, healthy baby boy.
In the previous two months, she and her family moved 2,718 miles across the country, to resettle their life in Pennsylvania.
After spending the better part of the last 10 years in California, one day, she woke up with the call to move. As each day passed by, the urge to move got stronger and stronger until she finally booked a ticket east and began her search for the perfect new house.
Her husband, back in California, tended to the house and continued to work his job and maintain some sense of normalcy while my sister decided what and where the new resting place for their family would be.
In less than two days, she jumped on a three story town home in one of the most family-friendly neighborhoods in the city.
Her husband, back in California, began packing up their things.
Just as he got out of town, that’s when we saw the news.
Their California town where she had been living was now being threatened by a blazing wildfire that ignited just a few short miles down the mountain. In no more than two days, most of the mountain was burned, including the town where she'd had been living.
If my sister had not listened to the guidance she had received just one month earlier, her and her family would have been homeless or worse - dead.
Fast forward to the birth of her baby.
Now living in Philadelphia, my twin sister was preparing for the arrival of her little one.
In a new area with a scant community family and friends, she struggled to get together all of the new stuff her baby would need - stuff that she had already accumulated from the birth of her previous child and from numerous mommy to be sales she’d religiously attended. But she’d lost all of that.
Back to the day of the birth.
Because of the sudden move and the fire, my sister was unable to find an attending midwife in time for the birth, so her husband and I learned everything we needed to know about home birth. We read emergency manuals, got medical supplies and learned the essential birth procedures of EMTs. He played midwife and I drove in and played doula . . and toddler entertainer, for the day.
Needless to say, the day of the birth was both exhilarating and exhausting.
And once it was all said and done, I realized something.
My sister didn’t have nearly as many of the supplies she’d needed to care for a new baby.
There hadn’t been a big baby shower due to the swift move, it being the second baby, and the nature of how small and stand-offish our family is and all of the things she had previously acquired in preparation was now gone.
So, I jumped in. I took to Facebook and posted on my personal page and hers - a donation request to our friends and family to make sure she could obtain the supplies she needed to take care of a newborn.
That’s when the thing happened.
Within minutes, a reader from my professional blog, popped up on her personal page, before she *even* delivered the placenta, not to donate, but to cast judgment.
The reader’s comment was to the effect of, “Didn’t you guys have a baby shower to cover this? Why are you asking for donations, anyway?”
While the comment was swiftly deleted by the reader, it wasn’t deleted before it sent an emotional arrow straight through my vulnerable sister’s heart not even hours after home-delivering her second child.
You see, she didn’t have a baby shower. She had nothing. Re: the story above.
And after both she and I had spent the better part of the past three years, largely giving to other people for free (re: the blog, healing sessions, readings), and receiving hundreds of emails of how much of an impact my articles had made on their lives, and how much I have helped - I actually thought people would give during a time when my family was in need.
Because I’d given so much to my community, I thought my community would give back to me.
How many donations did my family receive in our time of need?
Onnnnnee. One. Numero Uno.
Out of thousands of readers, followers and members of our community, one person reached out to help.
And that really surprised, and saddened me. At the same time.
But what hurt me more was the judgment we received in response to our asking.
Partially, I believe judgment that followed the donation request was probably because people didn’t know the backstory of the fire and of her losing everything.
If my sister had been more transparent with her professional following, perhaps they would have been more supportive. But she’s a pretty private person and didn’t want to be broadcasting personal her all over her work reputation. And I get that.
Then, in another part, I believe the lack of giving was also because people had come to expect both her and I to give so much, that they hadn’t even considered there could ever come a time when we would need to be given to.
In other words, the balance of giving - receiving had been so far tipped to the giving end, that when it came time to receive, the atmosphere really just wasn’t right for it.
So, on the long drive home that night, I had time to think about all this and I had one of those moments.
You know . . . the moment.
Where every truth comes rushing to the surface in a sudden wave of realization.
The realization: I’d been giving too much.
And I needed to bring my life back to balance.
Have you ever experienced something like this?
If so, it may be a sign it’s time for you to reel it in . . . and start giving to yourself a little more.
Here are 4 Signs You’ve Given Too Much
(and how you can bring it back into alignment)
# 4 You’ve give yourself a burden of future giving
In the example of me, at the time of this event, I had 36 stored blogs. Thirty-six plans I had made for free future giving to others. I actually really like writing and because I'd been writing so much and sharing it, over time, people had come to expect me giving so much information so plentifully, it became more of an expectation and I'd come to not want to let anyone down.
In other words, my writing had turned into my aiming to please. I was giving, because I wanted people to like me and not be mad at me or stop liking me, when or if I stopped giving for any reason at all. And that’s a pattern I needed to break.
Have you made future plans for yourself on ways you could give to others? Dates you’ve made, gift ideas you’ve come up with, plans for meals for Super Bowl Sunday?
Perhaps it’s for the same reason as me. Expectation. Not wanting to let people down. Not wanting to disappoint. If you are future give planning, it’s a sign that the giving you are doing is giving out of habit or obligation and not out of a genuine desire or even need to give.
To heal it, simply cancel and delete the future giving you have planned. Stop it right in it’s tracks. Release yourself from future plans for giving in whatever way you need to. For me, this meant I deleted a ton of blogs and released a bunch more out into the wild - all at once. Just get it out of your energy. If the person (or people) you’ve committed yourself to is really your friend, they’ll not only forgive . . .they’ll understand.
#3 People (a person) in your life has revolted at the idea of you receiving
Sooooooo, I have a super big heart. In countless readings, meetings with therapists, lectures from friends and family - I’ve been told time and time again, I lead my life by my heart and not by my head. This means it has lead me to a balance problem and it’s true - both in my personal life and in my professional life - I have both a pattern and problem of giving.
I give to people who don’t and won't ever give back.
It's a problem (I mean lesson) and each and every time I’ve awakened to this and made attempts to stop it - the exact person/people that I had been giving to - revolted in anger or otherwise intense emotion, when I stopped the giving.
I've seen it in my own life and I've seen it in the lives of many of my clients.
Have you been cleaning up after someone without them asking? Taken on the role of making dinner every night without ever being assigned that duty by anyone but yourself?
Oh you caretaker you, give yourself a break.
To reverse this trend, just stop.
And when the someone who's gotten so used to your giving, figures it out that you've stopped and inevitably gets upset, make sure you’re in the bath with your glass of wine. Be somewhere where you’re too busy giving to yourself to care about someone who's mad you’re not giving to them instead!
#2 Your physical body is showing signs of fatigue
Sore joints, sleepiness, neck aches and back pain . . . all signs of too many burdens.
When your body starts to talk to you about the weight you’ve been carrying (energetic and emotional weight largely composed of other people’s problems), it’s time to listen. Rest.
#1 Your inbox situation is totally insane
Your incoming emails, texts and telephone voicemail boxes are all great indicators of how many people are in your energy field and interested in interacting with your energy in some way.
The more you reply, the more you give . . and the more emails you get as a result. When you continuously reply (aka continuously give) to incoming energy/requests for your giving, it just increases and increases.
Why would it stop? Your candy cane flow of juicy giving goodness is abundantly leaking everywhere with no end in sight! It's a sugar high and you're the source.
So much nectar flowing everywhere for everyone, there’s really no reason for anyone to reel it back or to rationalize that perhaps they aren't the only one blowing up your inbox . . . until the nectar flow just straight up stops. And it has to stop. With you.
Here’s what you do: set up a vacation responder with no guarantee of when the vacation is over and when or if you’ll reply. And slowly, the flood will slow to a trickle. Finally, you can rest.
What about emergency emails? Like, someone who has a problem with a purchase or something?
Take a trick from my 'lil 'ol psychic book.
If you are new to the business and don’t have the cash to fund an physical bodied assistant to handle incoming messages for you, I get it. Been there, done that.
Set up an email alias - they’re free with most email accounts.
Then, set up all your admin-type emails to go to this alias account.
Who responds there? Your spiritual assistant, that's who.
You heard me. Give your Spirit Guide/Guardian Angel/Grandmother You Always Loved an email account. You type the emails, but it's under your Guide's name and their direction. Ask them what to say and how to respond. This way, you can keep some cool distance.
Don't judge - I learned this trick from another practitioner - and turns out, lots of mediums do this and for good reason. It totally works! This way, you can still interact ~ but it's on your terms and you can keep a safe distance ~ and, it's vis-à-vis your Guide.
Before my s/o was my office manager, I had a Spirit Guide named Travis.
Imagine Travis. A body building customer service representative. He gels and spikes his hair. His shirts are form fitting and always collared. He definitely drinks protein shakes and he probably worked at a gym as a personal trainer at some point. In college, he was a dual major in secondary education and fitness. Travis . . . was perfect for the job.
Travis, through me, replied to all of my stuff and no one ever messed with Travis. Who would right? Travis sounds like the type of you wouldn't want to get into a disagreement with, especially not at a college bar.
Ohhhh, Travis. What a great guy - I mean, Guide. Definitely a Guide.
And there you have it.
Here are some tips to help you bring it back to balance, ya’ll.
In the meantime, don’t worry about my blogging habits.
I’ll still be writing and sharing here (primarily because of reason #2 above) . . . I just can’t help myself. But in the future, you’ll be seeing alot more of my posts including personal stories and anecdotes from my life.
In other words, I’ll be writing more for me - and because I like to give - I'll be sharing it too. And, alas, anyone who reads - will receive in the process.
It’s a win-win. . . for all of us.
~ balance ~
Update: This blog has stirred a wide array of controversy. Its intention is not to shame or project blame on anyone - but rather - to highlight the undercurrent of the emotionally spiritual journey we ALL go through in order to get where we are. No matter where you are, it's a journey - and being transparent in where you are in that journey not only helps others learn but provides a deeper clarity on the true nature on the ups and downs of the spiritual journey, for those looking to walk the path. My sister and her family are now doing abundantly well. I appreciate all of your support, in whatever way it may come.