You almost killed me.
After you appeared in my backseat, right as I was safely merging lanes onto the highway, I saw you in the rearview and I thought you were going to kidnap me.
I thought my worst nightmares were coming true. I thought you were a killer who’d snuck into the backseat of my car after I’d made the grave mistake of forgetting to lock it.
Upon seeing you looking back at me when I glanced into my rearview mirror - I screamed.
My scream was followed by a frantic swerving in the lanes, nearly hitting an unsuspecting car and it’s unsuspecting passenger inside.
I pulled over to catch my breath and I burst into tears.
And just as suddenly as you appeared, you were gone.
I know you heard me scream. I know you saw me swerve. And I know you didn’t mean it.
Because I know you must have recently died. And I want to share with you how I know that.
Since I was a little girl, I’ve had the ability to see Spirits.
Most of the time, these Spirits are of people who have passed on.
I know that now as an adult, but I didn’t back then.
Back then, I didn’t always know you or what you were.
When I was younger and seeing things that other couldn’t see - I thought it made me a freak.
But now I know, it just makes me. . . me.
I can’t say that I fully understand it myself, or that I truly get how it works or how it’s possible - but somehow, it is.
And I can see you.
I used to be afraid of people like you - people who have died - but I’m not anymore.
Mainly, I decided to let go of my fear because I know what it’s like when people are afraid of you.
It’s not fun.
It’s not fun to have people back away from you, as though you have some gross disease - when your gross disease is just being you.
It’s not fun to have others judge you or your actions, assuming the reason you are the way you are is something anything less than innocent.
I know you didn’t mean to almost kill me.
But . . . can we be honest here?
It’s not OK to jump into the backseat of a woman’s car on a Friday night while you’re living.
You know that.
So, why is this okay when you’re dead? Come on now.
I’m sorry that you’ve died.
I wish I could give you hug and tell you that I have no idea what it’s like to be where you are now, even though I’m trying my best to understand.
When I saw your face in the backseat of my car, I could see that you were my age.
I know you have a family and I know you have people that love you.
I know it’s hard to understand what’s going on in your life right now, but let me do my best to explain.
When you die, most living people can’t see you anymore.
This is one of the biggest shocks, I know. We’re all used to introducing ourselves by just walking into the room and then everyone knows we’re there.
You don’t have a body either and while you know that, you may be just realizing that now when you speak, no one hears your voice.
I can’t fathom what that must be like . . . and I’m sorry for that, too.
I know at first, you may feel like this, but if no one has told you yet:
you’re not completely invisible.
Most animals can see you. So can the majority of small children.
And the people you love the most, they can feel your presence.
It’s not the same - I know that - but at least it’s something, right?
Mediums can see you, but not everyone who is a medium knows they’re a medium (or wants to accept it).
For the majority of my life, I didn’t know what I could do (see you) had a special name - and the majority of other people like me, don’t realize it has a name or is something either.
Yet, there are adults who can see you, hear you and feel your presence.
But not all of the adults who see you want to accept their abilities to see you. Some adults are scared of the deceased - and I’m sorry for that. I’ll be the first to apologize because I was there once, too.
I know you are trying your best to be heard and need someone who will listen.
I’ll listen - but please don’t scare the shit out of me on a highway at night.
And I know you don’t mean to scare - most of us mediums do. Just like it’s taking you some time to get used to who you are now, it takes time for most mediums to get used to who they are, too. But we both need time to adapt to the change that death brings.
Speaking of getting comfortable with change, you’re in a place in your life where things have just changed, too.
You’re in a whole new world now - and there are a few things you need to know about existing there.
There’s etiquette to being a Spirit - but don’t worry, it’s easy to learn.
It’s easy to forget social graces when you’re desperate to be heard.
I get that.
But to help you get along with the living better, there are some things you need to know.
Pay attention to what your friends and family like
Now that you’re dead, you have a lot of time on your hands and I know you want to be noticed by your family. In the days, months and years following your death, you can try visiting them again.
Rather than using the ghost movies you saw while you were alive as your guide on what to do (it’s tempting, I know), try paying attention to what your friends notice. Some people really notice when something they put down is misplaced, while others notice a presence in the room when someone enters while others still pay more attention to their dreams.
Observe your loved ones - notice what they notice - and then try visiting them that way.
It’ll be your best bet.
Try not to sneak up on anyone
Getting used to your new body, I imagine, is a challenge - because now you can just think of going somewhere - and you’re there. It’s a strange skill, and I think it would take me some time to understand it, too.
The next time you appear in the new place - try to stand at least 5 feet back from the person you are visiting and then come up behind them slowly.
When you start to notice them getting nervous or uneasy - they are sensing you, it’s working - but STOP here.
You aren’t a poltergeist. You do not want to be mistaken for a demon.
STOP when you notice that they are noticing you. It’s tempting to keep going and I know you’re excited because it’s working - but you need to give it time.
The last thing you want to do is to come across as the scary forceful ghost - that’s not who you are. That is not who you are.
Visiting at night may seem easy (but it’s not always the best)
The best time to come back to visit your still living friends and family is when they’re alone.
You’ve probably realized that you have the most success visiting people when they’re alone - and you’re right - it really is your best chance for success in being noticed because when someone is alone they have the least amount of distractions otherwise preventing them from seeing, sensing or hearing you.
Most people are alone at night, because of that, night time may seem like the best time to come through - but that’s not always the case. Nighttime visitations can be scary for some - not because you’re scary - but because of what we’ve been taught.
If you’re new to visiting someone at night, try showing up in a dream first. Most people are completely comfortable.
Make friends with the other deceased people
A dream?! How do you do that, you ask?
I know it sounds crazy, but, believe it or not, now you can show up in people’s dreams. Even if sounds weird to you at first, give a try and it might not be as bad as you think. Lots of living people would really like to dream about you.
The people who have been dead longer than you can teach you things. Ask them for their tips and techniques on being heard. They’ll know tricks that I don’t know and quite frankly, that I don’t understand, but they’ll teach you what to do.
Consider them your friends - because they are.
The longer that you’re deceased, the easier it will get for you to understand all of this.
It’s hard right now because it’s new - but everything is hard when it’s new.
That’s just the way life is.
And if you ever do come back, I have something to say (other than a scream):
I wish we had a chance to meet you while you were alive and before you were dead.
That the one main problem with my abilities.
Is that I can’t tell most people about you and how great you are.
The people who can’t see you, they don’t believe me.
And I wish they did - because you look really, really nice.
I’m sorry I screamed in your face.
I didn’t mean it, either.