For a period of over 8 years, I didn’t sleep a full night.
In fact, I hardly slept at all.
Kept awake with fear and woken up feeling nervous about whatever it was that was standing at the foot of my bed - I was both afraid to fall asleep and afraid to be awake.
I knew that something was going on in my home, and I desperately wanted it to stop.
I didn’t want to be a medium - I wanted a normal life.
I wanted to go to work doing science things just like everyone else. I wanted to go on dates and not talk about that strange slightly translucent person I saw standing in the corner. I wanted to be able to be comfortable while alone in my own home to watch a movie with the lights dimmed.
It was getting harder and harder to do that and I was starting to feel crazier and crazier.
I went to therapists, I took to wine and I even tried a few different kinds of sleeping pills. At one time, I tested out medication for anxiety disorders.
None of it worked.
Finally, one night, laying in bed around 1 am with all the lights on in every room of the house, I decided something:
There had to be another way.
This way - the way of being afraid, the way of avoiding, the way of trying to be normal - wasn’t working.
I was alone, afraid, and while on all outside fronts of my life, highly successful, I was never at peace.
I knew from childhood I had a curse, but I didn’t know anything about it or what it meant.
And I also knew, that if I was going to deal with my life and what was going on in my home, I had to get courageous about it. I had to do something unconventional.
I had to do something I had never done before.
That particular night, there happened to be a periodic rapping on my kitchen table downstairs. I could hear it from my bedroom, and it sounded liked someone was knocking one of my stones (collected earlier that day from a stream) repeatedly on the kitchen table.
I lived alone.
Up until this point, my usual course of action when a Spirit was present was to stay in my bed, heart beating a mile a minute, the covers up to my nose, not moving at all, and waiting in fear for it to stop. Then, I would sleep.
I wasn’t going to do that anymore. This strategy was no longer working.
Being afraid stopped being effective roughly 8 years ago - when this all started happening.
Here’s what I did instead:
I put on some pants, got my knife out of my backpack from the hiking trip I had earlier in the day, took a deep breath, opened my bedroom door and marched downstairs into the kitchen.
At this point, I felt more like I was being pushed to do this, as much as I was driven to figure this all out once and for all.
Turning the corner into the kitchen, I took another deep breath, inhaling and exhaling fully, before stepping into to see who or what was there.
It was a lady. She was wearing clothes from the 1800s and she was mostly white. I could see through her. She was tapping on the table, not to scare me, but she was biting her nails, she looked afraid. Clearly, she wasn’t a threat to me. It was a half-translucent women from over 200 years ago.
I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t dreaming - even though I knew I wasn’t. And I asked her, out loud,
“What do you want?”
She didn’t reply with vocal words, and rather, I heard the response in my head (internal clairaudience).
“I want to go home”
What followed, was a back and forth discussion and as I talked to her, she calmed down and as she talked to me, I calmed down.
I talked to her like I would have talked to my friend from work, Rebecah - like a normal person. No yelling. No shouting. No casting out.
And she left on her own when I told her she was scaring me. But not before, she told me that she too, was scared.
This was the first time I ever confronted a Spirit, rather than running from one or trying to pretend it didn’t exist.
She was scared, I was scared. Everyone was scared. And as soon as we got that out on the table, the tension dissipated. I went back to bed, turned off my bedroom lights and slept, for the very first time in years.
To get rid of a scary Spirit, you have to decide to do something about it other than be afraid.
Fear does not solve fear.
Compassion solves fear. An attempt at understanding solves fear. An honest conversation with a stranger solves fear.
If you want a Spirit to leave, you have to tell them the effect of their actions from a neutral place, and tell them to leave. Do not get more afraid - stand your ground.
If you want a Spirit to stop bothering you, you have to have the courage to find out what is actually going on, so that you can figure out the solution. You cannot find the best medicine for something if you do not know the illness. You have to be willing to know what is wrong, before you can figure out how you can make it right.
If you want a Spirit to stop being scary, you have to understand that you have the power to manage your own space - all you have to do is exert that power and stand up for yourself. Laying awake in fear solves nothing - get up, go downstairs and regain your power.
The actions of no one can hurt you, if you don’t allow them to. You do not have to be a victim in your own home. You can decide who comes into your house and who spends time there, you just have to learn how to set those boundaries.
Most importantly, Scary Spirits are not always as scary as you think.
In many cases, the fear you feel from those in the Spirit world, is the fear of the unknown and once you know, once you understand, once you learn about what is really going on and how to manage it, there is no more fear, because now, you know.
I encourage you to find out what is really going on.
I encourage you to step forward, to learn about the Spirit World and to decide with me, that there has to be another way.
The blog is full of resources to help you learn and overcome your fears. I’ve been there, I’ve gone there and I’ve made it through.
You can, too.