In the human world, these initial moments when two strangers first meet can be some of the most anxiety producing in the world.
Will they like me?
Will they be nice to me?
Will I say the right things?
Will I appear smart, intelligent and appealing?
Will they accept me, rather than ignore me and walk away?
These questions are impossible to know the answer to until you start speaking.
In mediumship, first introductions are always the hardest.
For the medium, when you do a reading, you are almost always meeting a new stranger, each and every time you give a reading. It is also your responsibility to identify this stranger to someone else.
If I told you right now:
Tell me 5 things about yourself that are unique and can distinguish you from everyone else.
Could you do it? Would you stutter? Would you freeze and be unable to produce those very 5 things I needed to identify you to another person?
Most people do.
When I put a microphone in front of the mouth of a Spirit, especially if this Spirit has never been to a medium before (it’s their first time on the big stage), they freeze. They stutter. They aren’t sure what to say.
And sometimes, they panic. They become anxious and nervous.
Not because they are worried about what they are going to say or why they came, but because they want to be identified. No one wants to be forgotten. They want you to remember them.
They want to be able to connect with you.
Connection can’t truly happen until you know who you are connecting with.
The Identification Part of the Reading is the Most Stressful Part
Both for the Spirit, who is anxious about making sure they say the right thing to be identified by you, and for the medium, who is anxious about producing it for you, so you don’t think they are a fraud.
Your loved one wants to be remembered, and they aren’t always sure they will be.
- They are a distant relative, such as a great uncle or aunt
- You haven’t looked at your family tree in a while or at all to even have an idea of who you know or who knows you on the Otherside
- You know lots of people who have crossed, who are very similar in personality, age and appearance (such as having a father and his two close brothers passed over)
- You are skeptical and require lots of fine detail from them for identification
- They were bad at describing themselves or were poor communicators in general, while alive
Because the identification part of the reading is so stressful, for both the loved one and the medium, many mediums glaze and dance over it, as though it’s not that important - but it is.
In order for ANY message to make sense from a loved one on the Otherside, you need context of delivery. You need to know who is speaking this message, so the message can make sense to you and you can frame it with the necessary details of why this person is saying it, why it is coming through now, and what lessons could possibly be learned from it. All of the framing of the message comes from who is speaking.
Why would you listen to a message about forgiveness, from a great uncle you never knew, when it would make much more sense coming from your father, who knew in great detail your long standing rift with your mother?
You really wouldn’t.
So, the client, you, the message recipient, needs to know who is speaking the message.
The Identification List
If you are a medium, or if you are a client, there are some things you can do to help your loved ones out in identifying themselves in the beginning of a reading.
Tell them simple things they can say - like talking points - that will help you know who they are.
Give them the cues and they will then be able to answer those cues.
In fact, before each session, I have a list that I take out and go over with each deceased loved one before my client arrives. On this list are bullet points of all the different things that someone could say in an introduction. I tell your loved ones to choose at least 5 things from this list and come back at the start of the reading prepared to identify themselves using at least these 5 things.
That way, they have not one identification point - but several different ways in which they could be known to a client or to me. Rather than just simply telling me they are your mother - I ask them to describe how they dress, what they acted like, their personality, how they died and more - so you can know that this really is who I am talking to and who we are connecting with.
Not all mediums do this and it doesn’t matter.
If you have a reading with a medium coming up, and you have read this article, simply write out a list of things you need from your loved ones to identify themselves to you - repeat it out loud, within an hour before your session, and they will hear you and have time to come up with their answers. If you are a medium, this is something I also suggest.
What is on my identification list?
- What did you look like?
- What was your appearance?
- What is your personality or character?
- What is your gender?
- What is your name or a letter of your name?
- What is/was your role in this person’s life?
- What is your dressing style?
- At what age did you die?
- What was your cause of death?
- What was your job or career in life?
- What important memories do you share with this person?
- Did you have any pets?
- What objects can this person remember you by?
- What did your home look like?
- Where did you live when you were alive? What region?
- What are any important days, numbers, or months that you and this person can relate to?
- Who else do you know in Spirit?
- What is something that you can say or give that would be heartfelt and touching to this person?
- Can you validate any decisions this person has made?
- Do you have any scars, injuries or birthmarks?
- What signs do you use to show that you are around and present?
These are just a few of the things that I ask your deceased loved ones to share with me before a private reading begins. And by asking these questions, too, you give your Spirit-speaker an opportunity to take the edge off their stress. You are letting them know, as the medium, that you are here to help, that you are there to support and that you will do anything you can to assist them in connecting.
That’s, of course, what they came to do.
It’s just that not everyone knows how.
But now you do - and you can help.
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