What I Learned From My First Year As A Full Time Psychic Medium
I was an environmental activist, spending time teaching Ecology classes, collecting data in my outdoor research plots, and tending to my experiments in the greenhouse.
Sure, I saw spirits.
Sure, I was awoken nightly by unfamiliar presences.
I never told anyone about that. And I didn’t intend to.
But life had other plans.
While I enjoyed my career and taking free classes as part of my research, it felt empty. Working alone in a building night after night would do that to anyone, I imagine. Being a scientist, while fun and interesting, made me feel important - but not whole. I felt smart and capable, but I was alone and scared. Scared of what would happen if I really shared my inner truth with others.
When things started to change, I was going through an incredibly difficult break up, with someone I thought was my life partner. After that, hiding who I was somehow didn’t matter anymore. It was less important. I stopped caring. It was also time - time to find out if what I was hiding from, was really worth hiding from at all!
So starting that year, I decided to ‘get to the bottom’ of ‘what was wrong with me’. Once and for all, figure out why I could never sleep, why I heard voices, why I saw shadows. I took classes, read books, talked to friends and family, and went to therapists.
My self researching all came down to two possible conclusions:
A. Yes, I was indeed a crazy person
B. No, I was not crazy, and rather, I was a psychic medium who didn’t know it
Well, I knew I wasn’t crazy. I’d taken anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications and sleeping pills before, on and off, and they’d never been effective in ‘helping’ me get rid of Spirits. I just felt more numb, no matter what I’d tried. At the very least, I’d had a fairly successful career, people liked me, and my relationships were mostly successful. In fact, friends often came to me for level-headed advice. With all that evidence, I could tell I was mostly normal.
It was decided. I was a medium.
I didn’t always want or plan to be this - but it already was. And upon accepting my abilities, I had to figure it out. So I dove into mediumship and the practice of it, full speed ahead.
What I learned in my First Year of Mediumship
Spirits are actually pretty cool
When I was a teenager, as an attempt to understand my abilities, I read a lot of ghost stories. I watched movies and television shows about ghosts and Spirits, I went to cemeteries by myself, or in groups. I went to abandoned ‘haunted houses’, and amusement park ones, too.
With all of that exploring, I had concluded something: Spirits are creeps.
With this conclusion in hand, I used all of my mind power to ‘shut out’’ my abilities through my teenage years, and it worked for a while, but my personal lockdown didn’t last forever. By my early 20s, it was back, and no matter how tightly I closed my eyes, things got ‘worse’. And by worse, I mean, I had more frequent visitations by Spirit, more unexplainable happenings, and more paranormal experiences. Like someone was turning up the knob on the stove, and I was above the burner.
Because I had previously decided that all Spirits were creeps, I had become terrified, and I could never sleep. If I did sleep, it was with the lights and television on. Somehow, I thought the noise would protect me.
As it turns out, I was in no danger. The Spirits who were visiting were mostly fine, and as I’ve learned in readings, mostly, when Spirits are visiting you - they’re your loved ones! Wanting to give you helpful advice, stopping by to show they love you!
Sure, I’ve had my fair share of genuinely weird visitations by earthbound spirits, but I’d actually been misled. Spirits are, hands down, more cool, than they are uncool. More friendly, than they are mean. More loving, than they are malicious. Supportive and warm, more than they are icy and cold.
For the most part, of the Spirits I had seen, they are people. People with families, lives, and feelings. People who have messages to deliver, who saw I could help them - but was choosing to pull the blanket over my eyes instead. And your loved ones are cool. They are sweet and kind. Funny and crass. Shameless and genuine. There was nothing to be scared of - they were simply momentary strangers. Not frightening ghouls waiting by a campfire. Quite the opposite, really.
That grand social rejection I was so afraid of?
Yea, it didn’t really happen
When I came out, sure, some people rejected me. By some people, I mean a random guy or two at a bar. A few colleagues at the University I was working for. A old college friend of my sister’s. No one significant, really. No one that mattered to me or knew my heart. No one who knew the intentions of my soul, my struggles with this ability, or my personal goal to help others in healing.
I fully expected to have to defend myself or my actions, choosing to be a medium over a scientist. Explain triumphantly why I made this choice and why no one could convince me otherwise. I was ready for an attack. I had a sword and a shield, and was just waiting for the troops to swarm in at dawn.
It didn’t happen. My grand defense was never necessary, though I tried to use it a few times, when I thought I was being attacked, and it was most certainly overkill. I was on hyper alert for a hurricane, when all that occurred was a small wave at low tide. I even had a few close friends and ex-partners pinned out, as people that would judge me, conversations that would be hard to have. Those conversations weren’t all that hard, either. The most common reaction? “You know, I always remember you talking about paranormal experiences. You can never sleep and have such vivid dreams. I suppose that all makes sense. Wow, neat.” Yea. That was it.
I’ve thought about it, about why the ‘coming out of the closet’ wasn’t as dramatic as I thought. And here’s what I came up with:
The people in my life, at the deepest level, knew my soul and they had accepted me as I was, by being present as my friends, partners, and family members. They already knew who I was - and said within their own hearts, she is ok with me.
People are going to judge you no matter what you do for a living
Pretty much, for everything. So why was I so scared of what people would think of me when I told them I was a medium?
Somehow, I’d expected to receive even more negative judgement for practicing mediumship publicly. Perhaps this is from a past life, perhaps it’s because this ability is so intimate to who I am - I couldn’t change it if I wanted to. I could hide it, cover it up, but I can’t remove it. It’s just as much a part of me as is my breast size - and I'd already owned enough padded bras. It simply is, and I can’t remove it - so I may as well embrace it, right?
If I’m going to be judged for anything, why not be judged for being myself, honestly and openly?
People can always choose to accept or reject me, just as they always had, and always will.
I'm not any weirder than anyone else.
This gift of mine, I had viewed as a curse. Mostly, because this is what I’d been raised to believe. While the ability to see and hear Spirits does run in my family line, it’s hush-hushed about, swept under the rug, acknowledged and never talked about. In fact, my own father had wished for my abilities to go away, for the gift to not continue from him, to me. In his opinion, I’d have a better life without it.
Of course, ‘it’ couldn’t be removed, and I was going to learn to live with it, or learn to avoid it. And the choice was mine.
After spending most of my life trying to avoid it, I’d not been mastering avoiding Spirits at all - I’d really been mastering the art of self-rejection. Deciding that this curse of mine had made me so weird, that it was an unacceptable part of who I was. This weirdness was the reason why I was unlovable. In order to be lovable, I could then, by my design, never share myself completely with another person.
As part of my course of learning how to accept myself, following my breakup, I decided it was once and for all time to accept this - and accept myself. And I soon started to use and share my abilities, by practicing psychic readings on others.
Testing the waters, not fully committing to being a medium professionally yet, I read and worked with over 100 people - absolutely for free.
Through this, I learned how powerful my gifts really were and I also learned a lot about the inner workings of other people. I learned how beautiful and loving people are on the inside, I learned how all of our fears are basically the same, and I learned that for many of us, we each have one thing that we feel makes us unlovable. Something that we deem as totally crazy and weird.
For me, it’s seeing Spirits, for you, it may be a secret obsession with cleaning.
Whatever it is, my ‘thing’ is no weirder than your ‘thing’. They’re just gifts we have, that we need to learn how to use to our advantage. Have a curse, which causes you to want to always help everyone, even at your own cost? Consider it’s not a curse and you’re actually a natural healer. Time to start using it.
So my downfall? Turns out, it was my trap door, into a brand new universe. One that I love.