A few years ago, I was driving across the country, moving from one job to another, and found myself close to the Mexico border in South Texas. It was August. It was 2 pm. There was no cell phone service, and there hadn’t been for at least 2 hours.
I was joyfully listening to old western music on the radio as my car, suddenly began to lose acceleration on the highway. The harder I pushed on the gas, the less ‘oopmh’ happened. I began to frantically pump and pump the gas pedal, as less and less happened, and my car, began to slowly, but surely putter to a stop, as I gracefully floated off the road, onto the margin on the highway.
I turned my car off and for a moment I sat there, dumbfounded. I’d gotten all the road inspection tests before I left. I got new tires! I got an oil change and everything checked out!
I was alone, in the desert next to Mexico. I had a gallon of water in the trunk and my dog. There were no cars passing by to ask for help.
So what did I do? I immediately, put my hands together, not in prayer position, but in begging position. I closed my eyes, tilted down my head and prayed, begged and pleaded with the Universe, my Guides and Angels, whoever would listen - to please make my car run again, at least until I got to the next gas station. I begged and begged, and when I felt I had said enough and made my point clear to all of those in Spirit, I took a deep breath and tried to restart the car.
As I turned the ignition key - a sigh of relief - it started . . .but would it drive?
With what felt like a lump of lead in my heart, a took another deep breath, closed my eyes to wish one more time for it to work, and I pressed on the gas pedal with the rubber, from the bottom of my flip-flop. As I pressed, the car moved forward, and with it the mileage gauge went from 0 mph, to 10, to 20 and soon to 45 mph - on the road again!
I was laughing - I was shocked. It worked! What happened?! Was my car really okay?! Was I going to make it through this desert to a gas station to call for help?!
Exuberantly, I drove faster and faster down the desert highway until I came to a desert gas station with nothing around. No one, actually, expect the attendant. No cell phone service, no phone service at the station itself, not even a bathroom. So, I didn’t really want to stop here and wait for someone else to come along to help, or hang out, as a single female, alone with a strange man in the desert.
I didn’t even fully stop in fear that if I did, I wouldn’t start again. I kept the car running as I checked out the scene then slowly coasted by and decided to keep driving, hoping I could make it just a little while longer. I figured I’d drive as far as I could, as long as I could, before stopped to figure it out and find a mechanic. My goal, was to make it to the nearest town - Las Cruces, New Mexico.
Surprisingly, a few hundred miles later and I made it. And, as I rolled into town, my car began to slow again. I began to lose acceleration, and again, the harder I pushed with my feet on the gas pedal, the less happened. I puttered to a stop, just on the edge of town. I made it to the nearest town, but just barely.
And from there, I was stranded for three days, on the outskirts of Las Cruces, New Mexico, with my dog and all of my belongings from the move, as my car was repaired.
Did I have the money for the motel or the repair? Nope. Not a dime. I had barely enough money to get me from old job to new job. But thankfully, an old friend, who I lent money to years ago, heard about my situation from a mutual friend and sent me everything I needed. He finally paid it all back - just in the nick of time, when I actually needed the money.
I was saved. Twice. Once by a mystery force in the desert and twice by a friend who I never expected to hear from again.
And while I sat in my motel in New Mexico, waiting on the news about my car, I had a lot of time to think.
The first question I asked myself was,
Am I being tested or something?
It’s likely that if you’re reading this blog, you’ve found yourself in similarly bizarre or trying predicaments and have asked yourself this very same question. And the answer is an easy one:
Yes. You’re being tested.
If you find yourself all alone, with no one else to rely on but your own Spirit and your intuitive abilities, your soul is receiving a test. You are learning a life lesson.
And while painful, scary and sometimes, lasting a for quite a long period of time, these tests come about more than once in our lives. They are arranged by us, by our own Spirits, before we come onto this Earth, as an opportunity for us to become aligned with our inner strengths, find our inner warrior and find our inner compass.
If there was never a difficult time in my life, I would have never had to learn how to trust myself, or even what that means, exactly.
And sure, you can ask your Guides and your Angels for assistance, but sometimes, they step back, too.
Being alone means being alone.
A test of complete self and own Spirit reliance requires solitude of self.
You Guides, your Angels and all of Spirit, sometimes, steps completely back and away from you, so that rather than relying on an external source of support, you learn the value, inherent knowledge and strength of your internal source of support - your own Soul.
Is a test a malicious thing?
No, it’s a nutritious thing. It feeds the soul, because you learn, how to feed yourself from within. As much as I teach and connect myself with those in Spirit external to myself, it’s equally as important, to learn to connect with the Spirit internal to myself, me.
And sometimes, it takes being completely alone, stranded in a desert motel, to bring out those warrior, strength and courageous qualities within yourself.
Who is testing you?
While it may seem easy to want to blame or be mad at your Guides and Angels for forcing you into an uncomfortable situation, remember, it is you and you alone who makes the choices in your life.
Your soul, has signed up for this life and created these situations to occur for you to rise up, open up and awaken to the fullest potential of your own Spirit. To do this, sometimes, we need to go back to the bare bones of things. Sometimes, we have to take away all the comforts of home, all the friends and family to distract us, and all of the everyday technological disturbances to carry our attention away from finding the real source of knowledge - ourselves.
To grow a garden, sometimes, you gotta get straight back into the compost. Black, smelly and sometimes unpleasant, in gardening circles, it’s considered black gold.
In psychic circles, we call it the deep well.
In my story above, we can call it - the New Mexico desert.
It’s a Soul Test.
And no matter what you want to call it, you’ve likely experienced several of these periods of aloneness and solitary hardship in your life. And you’ve grown from them. As you’ve tilled and turned the compost, beautiful things have emerged and been realized within you as a result.
A Soul Test is a time of separation between yourself and any external support system including friends and family in the physical world and friends and family in the spiritual world. It’s a time where your soul is strengthening, asked to rely on all the wisdom it has learned thus far and to focus inward, in order to develop, awaken and enhance the capability of your own Spirit. During a soul test, is when you break through barriers of fear, barriers of self doubt and barriers of feeling unworthy. You learn your strength, you learn your capacity and you learn the ingenuity that you have had within yourself, all along.
Soul tests are periods of intense growth, and while initiated from a variety of circumstances, they all begin from the bare ground up.
Thus, soul tests may feel dark, heavy, painful, sad or lonesome, for they begin from a place of pure aloneness. As this is the place, the place of empty where you begin to unite once again with yourself.
There are many soul tests in each of our lives and depending on your path and the path of any other, soul tests may vary in difficulty, number and manifestation. Not everyone is tested in the same way, at the same time, or at the same intervals. Also, not everyone’s opinion of what exactly qualities for a soul test is the same. We all see hardships differently.
What may appear as easy-peasy to you, may be a soul test for another, and vice versa.
How do you know you are experiencing a soul test?
Do you feel alone?
Do you feel tempted to blame other people for your situation, even though you know, you wound up here for a reason?
Do you feel this situation is one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to deal with?
Do you feel like you have learned strength and wisdom from an experience?
Looking back, can you recall any specific periods of your life, in which you would label them, dark, lonely or a growth period?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it’s likely your soul has been or is currently being tested. And this is a completely normal, periodic experience of the human existence. Later on, it can make for a great story, should you choose to retell it or attempt to make sense of it.
The best thing you can do to navigate fully a soul test, is to stop looking for external answers and begin to look for internal ones.
Start recounting all of the knowledge and wisdom you have learned thus far, and put it to use. Start acting courageously, or allow courageous actions and words to simply come from within you. Explore matters of the heart and begin to find out which beliefs, feelings and emotions you identify with and those that you don’t.
Then, roll up your sleeves and start digging within your golden self for the answers. Trust that you’ll make it all the way to Las Cruces. Or at least, that you’ll get to the edge of town and find shelter, a nice bed and comfort for a few days along the way.