In the process of the journey of the soul, lies the process of opening, unfolding and awakening. In many circles, this is called the soul journey or the journey from fear to love.
Each of us, here are Earth, are here as a part of a learning process, of how we can become most aligned with our truest, most ideal selves as Spiritual beings right here on Earth. This is the process of learning how to give and receive unconditional love, of learning how to release fears and live a life we truly mean to live and of how to begin to own and take responsibility for the outcomes, thoughts and feelings that we all have within.
And while I wish that we were all born onto Earth as fully bloomed and blossomed flowers, fully capable of knowing, seeing, sensing and awareness – we are not. Rather, we are all part of a process of becoming, or of re-becoming, to whom we truly are.
Imagine that, as rather than people, we are born onto this Earth into a shell, similar to a chicken egg.
And each of us, born onto this Earth within our shells are placed together, under an incubation lamp.
At varying times, stages and after certain essential processes, we begin to hatch, alongside, the other chickens within their shells, also, at varying stages of stirring, shaking and hatching.
On earth, all of us are in stages of hatching from our shells, we are opening, we are becoming part of the world.
We are, hatching as young chickens, awakened to all sensories of the new Earth. Which is why, when you first open your eyes and become awake, you find yourself extra alert, extra sensitive, extra prone to feelings of overwhelm. You are, at first hatching, a young, new chicken.
Around you, lay other chickens, some still within their shells fully, with no stirring movement at all. You may notice these non-living chickens right away, immediately, as being nearly dead, for they are just shells. You may begin to notice other chickens, currently cracking, stirring, and awakening, as a result of the chipping away at their exterior shell by other awakened chicks, or by their own chipping away, from within, from underneath the shell. You may notice some chicks, standing in their shattered egg, throwing the pieces of their shell fragments at others, so that their own space may be clear, yet, others nearby are wounded in the process. You may still notice, other chickens who are still wet from the membrane, others who are older and more full of feathers, gently, quietly sitting off to themselves.
Our journey of the soul is much the same to this journey of hatching.
We are all born onto this Earth with a shell, with our Physical body, our ego, our mind, and each of us, sits under the heat lamp of an incubation, chipping away, growing larger and eventually, we hatch. We step forward. We begin to step into the world around us, yes with evidence of the shell and all those in the shell around us, but as a vulnerable, living breathing soul, who is now awake with their eyes open.
In this example:
- the shell of the egg is the fear
- the live chicken is the vulnerable state of self, the love
Once alive and awake, there is still a continuation of the Journey, as you learn how to navigate, operate and continue your process of becoming.
When an egg begins to hatch, the chicken inside, begins to slowly and surely pull away from the membrane within the shell, it begins to separate from within the shell which confines it. From there, the baby chicken begins to move around, wiggle and chip away at the shell which holds it inside. Without pulling away from the shell, there is no wiggle, no ability to chip. And without that, there is no ability to release yourself from the shell.
Once you have chipped away at the shell, the fears and confines that hold you in a place of the shell (fear), you are then released into the physical world – among many others who are in varying stages of their own cracking, awakening and releasing of shells. Through searching, through questioning, through moving around in your new space in your new body, eventually, you find other chicks who are about your stage of development or higher and you begin to associate with them.
Then there is an occurrence of separation, where you becoming not only separated from your own world, but separated from the world of all others.
Some, may know this feeling as being inside a snow globe, surrounded by beauty but unable to connect. Some, may experience this as feelings of depression or apathy. Some, may feel unable to relate to or with anyone at all.
This period is an essential part of the journey.
If you have come to it, and feel alone, know that others have crossed this same bridge before and it's part of the process. Think of it as a suspended bridge, over a deep gully in a jungle. With just you on it, it's scary enough. With others on it, shaking the ropes and the planks, the scariness and fear in crossing this bridge exponentially increases.
The safest way to cross over a valley, to chip away at a shell, to break free of a confine, is by yourself.
For me, this journey - separation period happened many years ago, when I was living and working in the great state of Nebraska.
I graduated college a few years earlier and was immediately offered a dream, life-long job working for an environmental agency in the government. The job had benefits, security and a sense of safety that I needed. Coming form an unstable childhood, security and the feelings of being taken care of were really important to me, and it was important that I was able to do this for myself – or at least, the knowledge that I could.
I had a house, full of all the beautiful furniture and fresh, new appliances that money could buy.
I even had a long term relationship with a reasonable man who came from a little bit of old railroad money. He was born and raised from a upper middle class, Catholic family. They went to church. We planned to marry.
On the outside, I was living a perfect life.
Many people asked and inquired, how I could get so lucky, so young.
But I didn't feel lucky.
Many nights I stayed up alone while he slept. I was diagnosed with insomnia and I was plagued with nightmares and feelings of unrest. I was gaining lots weight.Upon seeking comfort in my partner, he laughed. Then soon, seeking to get away from my life, I asked him to take me away on vacation and oddly enough, he suggested that we go anywhere I choose.
Then I went to northern Montana in the middle of winter.
While there, I dogsledded through the wilderness, from vacant cabin to vacant cabin each night on beautifully, blue skied frigid days and ice cold evenings filled with starry skies. There wasn’t much time to argue, because on dogsled, you can hardly hold conversation. It was a period of extended solitude in the presence of another. Which really, was the extreme of what I had already been living.
One night, the stove fire went out around four in the morning and it was my turn, as promised, to head outside for more firewood.
As I was walking downstairs, to the outside, I realized, that our cabin had no window shades or blinds. And I suddenly became very afraid of what someone might see, if they were able to see inside our cabin.
While outside, getting the wood, looking up at the stars above, breathing in the ice cold air, I realized what I was really afraid of:
What would happen if someone saw who I really was
And with this realization, I back went inside, built the fire by myself, and went back to bed.
The next morning, I decided to:
- Quit my Job
- Leave my Partner
- Sell all of my Physical World Belongs
- Move to San Diego
While still in the middle of this wilderness, without telling anyone, I decided to leave everything behind.
I decided, that it was time to separate.
During the 6 months that followed my decision, I spent chipping away at my shell, inside, alone.
I planned, thought, emoted and felt, mostly, alone. I wondered about why I felt so alone and why I felt so isolated and why I had done this to myself. I thought about how my life would change and in what way, but mostly, I had absolutely no idea what was on the other side. I just knew I needed out of the shell.
After I arrived in San Diego, and during the years that followed, was a continuation of this process. I separated and separated from my shell, until I cracked.
Then, I walked and walked, until I found my group of chickens.
This example is part of my story of separation, but yours may look differently.
It could be much more subtle, and be manifesting now as a feeling, rather than an action, or it may be much more extreme, manifesting now as a continual seeking and searching.
If you are feeling a sense of loss and separation, know, that it's possible you are in this part of the process, of either removing yourself from your old life, in the ending of the chipping, or walking to find yourself in the new life, in the seeking and the searching. There are even signs you can look to indicate you are experiencing such an awakening.
In each stage of growth there is a new shell to break, old feathers to shed and new feathers to grow.
In fact, one may say we all do this annually, seasonally or in alignment with astrological stages. The shedding of the old feathers and the growing of the new.
The feelings of separation are a sign of a blank slate, the beginning and the opening of something new, and the search for something to fill the space. It can be, if you allow it, more of a journey of welcoming, as much as it is a journey of releasing and letting go.
These are two sides to the same coin. Separation is part of the path of becoming. It’s part of the journey towards completeness of self. Towards Love.