I’ve always had the ability to see things that others couldn’t.
As a little girl, I had vivid nightmares. It was hard to sleep and when I would wake up, I’d continue to see things and people with my eyes open.
As time progressed and my nightmares became more and more intense, I started to point out and share with my parents, siblings and friends, the people that I saw while I was awake. Which to me, were a lot like ‘dream people.’
Around this time my father, realized that I had inherited his exact experiences growing up - the nightmares, the visions and the ability to see things while you were awake.
He knew it ran in the family - our grandmother, her mother and so on, all had the ability to see things in the future, even predict deaths, in their dreams and waking lives. It wasn’t considered that out of the ordinary and it was so regular to us that we didn’t even have a name for it.
We just knew that generally, one person in each generation had this ability to see, and in this generation, this person was me.
Though my abilities were considered normal, in my family, the rule was to never talk about it. So, even my father, who grew up with the same ability to see things that I had, didn’t know how to explain it, nor how to teach me what to do about it. So it wasn't.
How I Dealt with Public Acceptance as a Kid
While I mostly saw only people, I began to learn that it wasn’t socially acceptable to bring up these ‘dream people’ to others.
When you point to someone walking past a window, or ask about a voice no one else can hear, you start losing friends.
So, I stopped talking about my experiences.
As I became a teenager, I started dealing with Spirits the way you deal with seeing an ex-boyfriend at a restaurant:
Hope you see him before he sees you, so you can avoid him.
Definitely don’t make eye contact.
Pray to God he doesn’t come over.
If he does, pretend you don’t know him.
And it worked. Mostly. For about 12 years.
I went through a denial period.
I finished high school, went to off to college and then onto living a regular life. Everything was fantastic and I was a normal girl in my early 20s. No one knew about the things I saw. It was the best.
I was popular, I had friends and I went to all the college football games. I managed to keep my dreams and visions to myself, and in turn, hid it from just about everyone I knew. Boyfriends, coworkers and friends, while some knew I had paranormal experiences, no one knew the extent of it.
I pat myself on the back for this glorious success.
During this time, on the outside, everything was great - I had an amazing budding career as an Environmental Activist and Botanist and a long term relationship with a pretty nice guy. An All-American guy, really. A U.S. Marine.
I had a house, a car, a fridge stocked with everything you could ever want, and all the coolest vintage furniture money could buy.
But on the inside, within hours after my father’s death, I started seeing, hearing and feeling Spirits again.
Pictures fell off the wall in the middle of the night. My bedroom belongings were rearranged while I was at work. I started seeing people, outlines and shapes at the foot of my bed. I started hearing noises, voices and people walking around in my house at night.
Things escalated fast, and it was getting harder and harder to keep it a secret. Jumping out of bed at night in fear of a Spirit is a hard secret to keep, especially from someone you share a bed with.
My father, my only confidant, was now dead. I couldn’t tell anyone.
Then one day, I woke up And decided to change my life.
All my life, I’d felt separated and isolated from everyone. And in an effort to be accepted and loved, I created a giant barrier between myself and everyone else. My career, my relationship and my entire life was designed so that no one could ever know the real me.
And what if, someone actually liked the real me?
What if, I was hiding for no reason at all?
I decided I had to change my life.
after that, I Walked Away From Everything . . .
In order to get to the bottom of who I really was, I had to get rid of the shell I made.
So, here’s what I did:
- I resigned from my job.
- I left my boyfriend.
- I sold all of my belongings.
- I bought a new car.
- I drove that car all the way across the country with clothes packed just for the summer.
- I got a new job.
I moved to California without a place to live and I owned essentially nothing but a few summer outfits and a really nice pair of Cowboy boots (I’d been living in Nebraska at the time).
I spent the Next 3 years alone figuring out who I was
. . . Then I got a reading that changed my life
During the reading, she claimed a Spirit named Bryan was present.
I gasped in horror, because of two reasons:
A. I knew Bryan for real. Bryan, a young guy that had been visiting me in grad school, was one of the first people in Spirit I got the courage to talk to - because I knew him in life, personally, while he was alive. In fact, I’d seen him lots of times since he died and he seriously freaked me out.
B. This means the dream people are real people. Real people with information and things to say. Real people who are actually dead people. I could hardly handle it or myself, in the reading. Thankfully, I was sitting down, or I would have most certainly been fainting.
Thankfully, in the reading, the only thing she hadn’t touched on was my ability to see and hear Spirits. Because she hadn’t brought it up, and I was scot-free.
Whew, Thank you, Jesus, she's a medium, but I’m not one of them!
I'd dodged a real bullet.
but As I was packing up my purse to leave her office, she says,
“One more thing before you go . . .Bryan says you have the same ability to see and hear that I have.
We see the same, Amanda. He says it’s the same way.”
My jaw dropped. I raced out of there as fast as I could.
But that's when the true journey really began.